Read all about the adventures of Mo, her newly-sprouted Splenda Head, and Flappy the anthropomorphic fat roll. Currently following the South Beach Diet, and still hoping that blueberry pie counts as fruit.
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20060420
Equation
Parents in town + Parents bringing me a mountain of candy and pastries for Easter to demonstrate their love for me + Having to hang out with my parents nonstop at their condo + Having no time to work + Having my parents grocery shop for me, bringing me things I cannot eat on South Beach + Feeling too guilty to throw anything away + Wicked bad PMS = Me feeling like a giant fat failure today.
It's kind of funny because I was chatting with a reporter yesterday and towards the end of the conversation she was asking about self-loathing issues and I said, "You know what, I really don't feel like I hate myself all that much." I wondered if I should maybe pretend to hate myself so I could come up with a good quote and be in the paper, but then as Ian pointed out, I would be in the paper saying "I hate myself for being fat" and that's not how I want to be immortalized!
But the point of the story is, today I spent an hour trying to figure out something I could wear to work that I did not COMPLETELY HATE MYSELF IN. So today would be the perfect day for the "I hate myself for being fat" quotes. Although it's less that I hate my fat, and more "everything is ALL WRONG AND MY HAIR SUCKS AND I HAVE NO CUTE OUTFITS AND NOTHING FITS RIGHT AND THIS NECKLACE IS CHOKING ME AND ARGH!"
So anyway, yeah, my parents are in town and I've been wildly off program at various points. One thing I did do on the very first day was try the fitness room at the condo. Unfortunately, the fitness equipment sucked and their three-hundred-year-old elliptical trainer made my knees hurt really badly after about eight minutes. So much for that. I went back to work on Monday and hit my own gym, because I figured it would help with the stress. But it's been a busy week with work in the morning and parents in the evening and I haven't been back, and it's going to be a busy weekend, and I HAVEN'T PACKED FOR PHOENIX AND I HAVE NO CLOTHES AND I WANT CHOCOLATE AND I HATE THIS NECKLACE AND ARGH!
20060412
Un-Pie
Here is the recipe for Weetabix's greatest invention ever, which will make her a millionaire: Un-Pie. It is pie that I can eat, despite being on the South Beach Diet. It is magical.
Put in a pan: some frozen blueberries, lemon juice, cinnamon, almond extract, flour or cornstarch for thickening, and ("SPLENDA HEAD LOVE THIS PART") Splenda. Serve with low-carb ice cream and enjoy!
20060410
You Take The Good, You Take The Bad
The bad news first: I went to go grade papers and get a coffee at our neighborhood coffee shop, but I hadn't eaten and so somehow I had a run-in with a rice krispie treat. Not South Beach. No nutritional content. Not good.
The good news is that after that I went and had a salad for lunch, and then hit the gym for an awesome workout. My knees hurt at the moment, which I hope goes away, but I did 40 minutes plus cool-down (two minutes) on the elliptical, and it felt great.
So there you go. Today, I would say, balances out. Maybe even floats into the positive column.
20060409
Back In The New York Groove
That's the title of an Ace Frehley song from the '70s that is, for some reason, popular here in Coldington. I'm back (woo) back in the New York Grooooove. I don't know, I'm still high on endorphins.
Just got back from the gym, where I had another great workout today. Both today and yesterday I've really relished working up a sweat on that damn elliptical. I had to force myself to stop after 30 minutes (plus cooldown) because I was afraid of overdoing it. If I continue feeling this invigorated, I'm going to increase by five minutes next time around.
Ironically, today the television I was working out in front of was tuned to the Food Network, and the show was an international competition of pastry chefs. As I listened to my iPod and sweated, I watched bon bons, cakes, sugar sculptures, mousses, creme brulees, chocolate souffles, and god knows what all else parade onto the television screen. I didn't want to stop working out; I wanted to find out who won the contest!
Speaking of contests, I'm a little pissed off about the Pile O'Money challenge. A bunch of people have had another set of pictures taken, and nobody ever called me. This is doubly disappointing because most of those people seem to have lost no weight whatsoever; although my weight loss hasn't been dramatic recently, I'm still down 13 pounds from the start of the challenge. So what the hell? I deserve my picture taken, at least!
Aah well. I left a message for my trainer, and we'll see what he says. I have a feeling it's too late though. Very annoying.
20060408
Excuse Me
Flappy sent me back to the gym. Well, Flappy and a slight change in my life plans.
I’m sure some of you will know exactly what I mean when I say that I tend to monitor my fat. I know exactly how much I should be able to pinch on any given part of my body. And sometimes if you forget to check for awhile, it can come as kind of a rude awakening when your body has undergone a change you don’t like. Which is what happened to me. Like, oh no! Bad Flappy!
As soon as I noticed this development, which was a few days ago, I cut out the ice cream habit. I totally blame the low-carb ice cream habit for the reflappening. Because for the most part, South Beach is treating me pretty well, but it doesn’t mean I can allow myself to eat a third of a container of ice cream at a time. Which is…. sort of what I was doing. Oops?
So then came the whole “to gym or not to gym” decision. Life had gotten crazy and hectic with the extra class I had to take on, and it was looking like increasing crazy hecticness through the end of May. So I kind of used that as an excuse to stop going to the gym. Like, why pay for the gym when I have no time to go? What a waste!
This was a dumb argument, but it was my dumb argument, until the idea was floated: why not stay in Coldington through the end of June? There is of course a big downside to this, in that Ian is in non-Coldington and my nephew is about to be born, also in non-Coldington. But logistically speaking, it is a lifesaver.
As soon as this idea was okayed, my stress level plummeted. Because in the back of my mind, I had been constantly worried about the time running out rapidly. I honestly didn’t know how I was going to finish out the semester, make all my planned trips, hang out with my sister and my parents, sell or ship or throw out the majority of my possessions, and then pack up my car and leave. It was like the gym was going to be one more thing to make me feel stressed and guilty about, and who needed it, right?
Now that I’ve officially gone back to the gym, I feel kind of stupid about thinking this way. I think a big part of it was unwillingness to face the music, as tends to happen when you fall off a wagon. Two months of gym is better than two months of no gym, even if I can’t go all the time. And part of it was that I wasn’t going to lose enough weight to win the giant Pile O’Money, so why bother? As if working out isn’t its own reward. So lame.
Of course after going to the gym I felt great. First of all, I’ve only gained three pounds, so the reflappening is hardly the crisis that my pinchy fingers have made it out to be. Secondly, I had a great workout in the gym’s new cardio area with a bunch of televisions tuned to different cable channels; I usually read trashy magazines, which the gym thoughtfully provides, but when I run out, I can watch E! True Hollywood Stories. (The gym was deserted, by the way. I have no idea how they stay in business.)
I think between my gym-going (I’m hitting it again tomorrow) and my ice cream moratorium, I should see some progress happening. I’m also going to cut back on alcohol consumption (though of course not on Weetapidol nights) and see if that makes a difference. Anyway, I’ll keep you all posted. I’m definitely, definitely back.
http://www.fitnessblogs.org/cgi-bin/portal/in.cgi?id=125
