Pumpkins Scream in the Dead of Night
So all of our vendors were in the office today with, in honor of Halloween, bribes. I am not a producer with a budget to spend, and therefore I did not get the bribes. The people all around me got things like truffles, and mountains of truffles, and giant piles of truffles.

When I saw the Truffle Guy walking past me later, I toyed with the idea of tackling him. I wanted to take him down and wrest the truffles out of his hands. And seeing me look at him with an ambiguous gleam in my eye, he stopped and talked to me, and I was charming, and he gave me chocolate.

I'm not sure who the winner is here, but the chocolate is damn tasty.
- posted by mo @ 4:52 PM

 
Might As Well Face It
The new comment feature has made me addicted to my own weblog. I want to update ten times a day in the hopes of getting comments! It's crazy! Madness!

Today I have already consumed half of my points, before the Halloween party is even underway. I am a little afraid. But on the plus side, I was checking out my reflection in the side of a couple of buildings and I am having a good body-image day. Yesterday I looked at myself and thought how fat I am. Today I looked at myself and saw a reasonably-sized person. The difference? Not bloating or PMS, just the fact that yesterday I was wearing clothes that were too big for me, and today I am wearing clothes that fit. Huge difference in confidence level. Amazing.

I weigh in tomorrow, so let's take a look back at the week, shall we? I used all my FlexPoints (almost, I have 7 left) on two separate splurges: one night out at Home (a restaurant), and one warm-cookies-and-milk incident. The rest of the week I have been within or under points. Two splurge days and four good days and one way-under-points day. Then there's today, which, who knows.

I've earned 2 activity points per day in walking to and from work. (Due to the weirdness of WW math, it really doesn't matter if I've been walking slowly or briskly, either way equals 2 points.) That's 10 activity points for the week.

I haven't had much of a chance to observe my body this week, so I have no guess as to how much I've lost, if any. But as I said, my goal was to lose something this week. If I can get below 220, that would make this a stellar week. Check back tomorrow for news on that.

Although knowing me, this won't be my last post today...
- posted by mo @ 11:14 AM

 
Hee
Taylore was unavailable for comment, but representatives say the encounter left her worn out. "We are proud of Taylore for resisting the pumpkin cheesecake today. We feel she gains strength with every skirmish."

Also discovered: a website called Want Pie Now! Hell yes, I want pie. Mmm. Pie.
- posted by mo @ 2:38 PM

 
Strategic Planning
I love the new comments! People say things in them! And it was so easy to make it go! Why did I not think of this before! Exclamation point!

Well tomorrow is the company Halloween party, which means free food and candy. I am going to save all my points for the party. I think starving myself throughout the day and then gorging on candy is definitely the best approach. But I don't know, if you have any other suggestions, lay them on me!

Maybe I should purchase a box of Junior Mints or some other type of candy that is lower points, so I have my own snack. I am a little afraid of what else they may serve, however. Hold me?

Right now I am cooking the Smart Ones Tuna Noodle (I just typed Nuddle) Gratin something something. It probably tastes sucky; it's only 5 points. Ooh! You can use the comments to suggest which Smart Ones or Healthy Choice or Lean Cuisine meals are the good ones! I need to buy some for next week at work.

Yay!

Update: the creamy tuna "nuddle" thing, while suspiciously devoid of anything resembling tuna, was pretty good! I wish they had skipped the breadcrumbs and gone heavier on the mushrooms, but it was creamy and pasta-like, and not bad. I might go get a McDonald's ice cream cone (3.5 points) for dessert.
- posted by mo @ 12:17 PM

 
Don't Be Hatin'
I was reading the archives of another weight loss weblog out there, and it made me sad. The writer talked about how obese she is and how she can't imagine getting attention for being attractive. She's only a size 18!

I'll never forget how happy I was when I made it to size 18. That's when I was dating the Useless Shagging Bastard. I put on my size 18 jeans and he was all over my bootyliciousness. I remember it so clearly. In fact, I remember feeling sexier at size 18 then I felt all last week at size 14 (god bless PMS).

Anyway, so much of "attractive and curvy" vs. "obese and repulsive" is all in our heads. Coming from a place of self-hate isn't productive; it just means we are wasting our time and energy on negating ourselves.

And I know I am trying to lose weight and maybe that doesn't qualify me to be the grand marshall of the Fat Positive Parade, but I just want to say to her and anyone else out there like her, maybe we can take a minute to step back and appreciate ourselves as beautiful, at whatever weight we happen to be.
- posted by mo @ 5:39 PM

 
Food Diary
Yesterday I ate a muffin, a macaroni and cheese Weight Watcher box lunch, some popcorn, a low-calorie hot chocolate, an iced coffee with soy milk, and that's it. A total of 13 points. It was not so good.

Today I am doing better, at least in the sense that I don't think I'll be way under points today. I ran out of my Zen Bakery 4-point Blueberry Bran Muffins and got a Starbucks muffin for 6 points instead. I also had a banana with it (2 points) and the iced coffee again (2 points).

The cookie incident reminded me: I hate how easily I can go over points. It is so easy to sit down and eat a meal that takes up all your points for the day and then some. One McDonald's lunch and it's all over! One cup of ice cream!

I guess I just try to overcompensate every so often, even if its not the best idea.

I have also just tried to add comments to this weblog. If it doesn't work, I will keep trying. But I'm sort of bad at this stuff. Charming! But bad.
- posted by mo @ 10:02 AM

 
Cookie Mo-ster
Last night I was tutoring one of my students, and her brother decided to bake cookies. Otis Spunkmeyer chocolate chip cookies.

While I was sitting there teaching her about the wonderful world of SAT questions, the smell of cookies began to waft through the air. Is there any better smell? Then they came out of the oven and he came up to us with the cookie sheet. "I baked three for everyone," he said. "Help yourself."

They were warm and golden brown, and the chocolate chips were all melty. They were the Platonic ideal of the chocolate chip cookie.

"Do you want some milk?" Ice cold skim milk in a tall glass. He set it in front of me. I dunked a cookie in the cold milk and took a bite. It doesn't get better than that.

I know that I shouldn't have had the cookies and milk. I know it was 17 points or something ridiculous, and I know that my Flex Points are all but gone. But if you could have resisted that smell, that crunchy gooey chocolatey goodness, if you could have turned down those cookies, then I admire you and your willpower and your strength and your commitment.

And I also think you're out of your mind.
- posted by mo @ 1:55 PM

 
For the record, I am now experiencing my womanly miracle. Which might explain how fat and bloated and in need of ice cream I felt all last week.

Last night I worked at Starbucks and as usual I had a big salad for lunch and ate and drank a lot of Starbucks crap the rest of the time. I think I had three caramel macchiatos, which is sort of insane. (This morning I switched back to iced coffee.) But I wrote everything down and came in one point under for the day. And I didn't even go near the caramelita bars. Yay.

The night before that was Jenfu's birthday and farewell party. She and I went out for dinner beforehand and I had some fabulous salmon with mushrooms and things. We also split dessert. (We tried to get sorbet, but they were out. So we had no choice but to go for the chocolate thing.) We did wave away the bread bowl, however!

I had 18 points at the time of the dinner, so I don't think it was too bad. Since I am going to ignore my FlexPoints for the rest of the week, I think it will not be a disaster. So far today I have had a muffin, an iced coffee, and a banana. I bought some of those Smart Ones things for lunch, but I think today I am going to lunch with Armless. Later in the week, I'll let you know how my meals-in-a-box work out for me.
- posted by mo @ 10:40 AM

 
P.S.
Lost in Translation? Great fucking movie.
- posted by mo @ 1:31 PM

 
Fresh Start
I almost completely forgot about this week's meeting, which would have been a disaster. I haven't been writing anything down and as a result, no matter what I've eaten or not eaten, I've felt completely out of control.

I skipped last week's meeting because of Journalcon, and then didn't worry about Weight Watchering all weekend. I was seriously convinced I had gained at least 10 pounds. I was on the verge of quietly quitting, I think.

Until I woke up early this morning and realized, "Holy shit, I've gotta go to Weight Watchers." And there's always that temptation to skip a week and then be "good" for a week so you don't have to face the music. But that's never a good idea.

So I went, and prepared for the worst, and had lost 1.2 pounds or something from last week, bringing me back to a 42 pound overall loss. And then I bought a new spiral notebook to keep track of my points, and decided to have a fresh start.

So I'm not going to worry about where I "should be" or how much I "should have lost" or even how much I should lose this week. My goal is to lose something-- anything-- this week. I am going to write everything down diligently, count points accurately, and write in Mr. Ointy every day. Accountability is the name of the game.

I am going to try and stay away from FlexPoints this week, except as insurance. I don't think I am facing any huge weight-loss challenges, except of course all the food at work. I am going to try and buy some groceries to bring into work-- anyone have any ideas for low-point snacks I can keep in my desk?

I'm also going to stop at the deli on Monday and try to find some sorbet. When I get that ice cream craving at 4:00 in the afternoon, I am NOT going to head for the bottomless ice cream freezer (now featuring both Dryer's and Haagen Dazs) and will instead eat something yummy that I brought my own self.

Can you tell I feel like I dodged a bullet this week? Can you tell I'm ready to get back on track?

Lord give me strength.


- posted by mo @ 1:04 PM

 
Whiny McCrankerson
I will spare you the post-weigh in entry in which I whine about gaining another pound. I will also spare you the whining about how I am terribly fat and incapable of staying away from chocolate, possibly hormonal and definitely demoralized. I am a big fat failure. There's your summary.

Instead, I will tell you that I had delicious salmon the other day. Well first I had sage derby cheese (from England, wot) which I've never tried before but which is yummy. There was also some fabulous Chardonnay to accompany this. And then a boy made me salmon. Yay! And also with the yummy. (And definitely not the problem, since I sure did stay under points that day.)

In non-whiny news, I bought a beautiful pea coat yesterday from The Gap. It was on sale, so it cost me less than $100. It is warm and comfy and fits like a glove. And it has pink silk lining. Pink silk! I'm tremendously happy with my coat. (And then I went to work last night and earned $100 to pay for the coat. How organized of me.)

I also tried on a pair of Gap jeans that looked good and fit fairly well, but I couldn't afford to spend $60 on. Maybe I'll reward myself when I can finally start losing weight again, and not gaining it.
- posted by mo @ 9:40 AM

 
Yesterday we had two fire alarms. Since I work up on the fifth floor, it meant I had to walk all the way down and all the way up the stairs-- twice! Then I walked with a friend of mine (he was my fire drill buddy) down the hill to Starbucks, then back up the hill. In addition to the basic walk to and from BART.

Yes, there's a whole lot of walking going on. Given a few more months, I'm going to end up with a butt like granite.

I hope!
- posted by mo @ 11:53 AM

 
Spree
I got off work early a few days ago, and I had time to pop into Old Navy in the quest for a peacoat. I found a trench coat and also picked up a couple of sweaters and a shirt. Almost everything there comes in XL, and their XL is snug, but so far fits me across the board. (If not always across the boobies.)

This means that I can shop at Old Navy! Lots of fun, cheap, basic wardrobe staples. I can't wait to go back and do a more in-depth excursion.
- posted by mo @ 11:49 AM

 
In More Trouble
I figured out today how to use my company email address. I had a lot of email because a lot of things go out to the whole agency and I haven't checked the mail since I've been there.

I was going through, and many of the messages said things like, "There are seventeen CPK pizzas in the second floor conference room!" or "Submarine sandwiches on the fifth floor!" Apparently food alerts are sent out via e-mail and we are encouraged to scurry through the building and fetch the free food.

First of all, do I work at the coolest place or what? Second of all, shit.
- posted by mo @ 11:34 PM

 
Britneyless
I haven't been bike riding in a couple of weeks, but that's not to say I haven't gotten any exercise. It takes me approximately 15 minutes to walk to work from the BART station, and it is definitely an uphill walk. Then I usually walk down the hill again for lunch and then up the hill again after lunch.

I hate the walk when I'm running late because there is no way I can get up those hills faster. (I suspect that for most other people, the hills are a breeze. I have worked it out so my zig-zag pattern maximizes the number of times I get to stand on the corner and breathe for a minute.)

If I'm not running late, and I can take my time, the walk is fun. I get to go through the financial district, past designer shops and about seven Starbuckses, and then through the Chinatown gate towards my office. I haven't been counting the points for any of this, but it's definitely exercise.

Definitely.
- posted by mo @ 2:20 PM

 
Wha' Happened?
I weighed in on Friday before heading off to Tahoe, and found I had gained back the weight I'd lost the two weeks before. Which was a bummer. But I am starting to think it was just because I ate something full of sodium (a chicken Whopper from BK, because I was so hungry and so sick of muffins...) for dinner the night before, because I can feel new skinnyness in my bod and it doesn't feel as though I've gained that much.

I ate a lot this weekend, though. My student's mom cooked huge breakfasts-- waffles and fresh raspberry preserves, and bacon and eggs and so forth. I tried to be moderate, but it's been a long time since I've had a good home-cooked meal.

Then I went out and ate at a restaurant by the lake, where I ended up splurging on a dinner including a fantastic Chardonnay, strawberry shortcake for dessert, and a seafood pasta with scallops, prawns, clams and some other unidentified fish-type-deal. I didn't eat too much of the pasta, though. I mostly stuck to the seafood parts.

I went shopping on Sunday (finally a chance to use my coupons) at Lane Bryant and was frustrated that I couldn't find anything. I need a nice, warm, professional coat, and I tried on one that was almost right, until I realized it was too big. All the tops I tried on were too big.

More evidence for the weight loss side of the argument. I guess I can always hit up Ross, which is where I've scored my most recent wardrobe additions, and the only things that still fit me. The Lane Bryant pants in size 14 are still snug, but the 14/16 shirts are getting baggy. I need to downshift to "XL" in the "normal" size ranges.

If, that is, I can manage to forget about the existence of the Magical Ice Cream Freezer.


- posted by mo @ 9:51 AM

 
Ignorance is Bliss
I was standing around the buffet-cum-pool table, eating a delicious (free) burrito and chatting with this guy. He told me that on the second floor of this building, there is a freezer. Inside that freezer is a free, endless supply of Dryer's Ice Cream. He even said the words "Rocky Road" to me.

Uh-oh.

- posted by mo @ 12:54 PM

 
My New Schedule
Wake up, 7am. Get ready. Drive to BART station closest to my student's house. Throw muffin in bag. BART to work. Walk to work from BART. Get exercise, since this involves hills. Grab coffee and water at work. Eat muffin.

Work! Work is fun!

Have lunch. Wander around the neighborhood, down the damn hill again, to find food. Sometimes eat with marvelous type people. Eat sammiches, or pasta, or Chinese food. Eat with the full knowledge this is my one and only meal of the day.

Work! More fun work! Pop into the lunchroom for more coffee and water. Find a pile of Estee Lauder makeup with sign reading "free!" Plunder the pile.

Walk as quickly as possible to BART. At the other end, walk as quickly as possible to car. Eat muffin while driving to student's house. Arrive late.

Go to next student's house, still late.

At 9:30 pm, go home. Possibly make popcorn if energy can be found. Mostly collapse in bed. Sleep.

Repeat for two weeks.
- posted by mo @ 11:11 AM